where are they now?

In February 2020, I wrote a blog post called, “The year of the throuple.” What is a little bit funny is that 2020 was the year of so many things but alas none of those headlines included a throuple (think Covid 19, George Floyd, Presidential election). In this post, I introduced the concept of a throuple, explained where I had seen the concept in the media and how I had spent Thanksgiving getting to know an all-male throuple. I concluded the post with this sentence, “I am really looking forward to seeing a Law & Order: SVU incorporate a throuple concept and would be overjoyed to have The Bachelor franchise put forth a throuple-themed spin-off.” 

Guess what?  Exactly four years after publishing the original throuple post, my cousin texted me asking if I had heard of the reality show, “Couple to Throuple” on PeacockTV. I started watching the show within the hour of hearing about it – thrilled that, four years ago, I had predicted the trajectory of reality television. Here is a summary of the format of the show:

* There are four couples who take up residence at a tropical resort looking to add a third person to their relationship. Three of the couples are male/female and one is male/male. All three males in the male/female couples identify as heterosexual.

* There are “a host of singles” brought in to interview the four couples. The singles are male, female, and non-binary.

* Each person must consent to become a throuple.

* The couples and singles have the option to stay or leave the throuple every few days.

* Once the singles and couples are matched up, they live together in a suite made for three.

* As a twist, an additional fifth couple is added mid-way through the show.

* There is a sex therapist on hand to provide emotional support if needed.

I was able to coerce at least one close friend, Mel B*, to watch the entire season with me. The most interesting part of the show was not the drama between the singles and couples but the way each person introduced themselves and described their romantic preferences and previous experiences.  From coast to coast, my friend and I had a ton of fun sending texts with quotes from the show. I sent her “He looks like a tree I would love to climb.” She sent me, “Should we just start over and have a fashion show upstairs?” and commented “This is my brother’s universal make-up line going forward.” 

Because of these priceless blurbs, I went back and watched episode one for a second time just so I could take notes on the phrases and descriptions used. Besides the key theme of this journey – “ethical non monogamy” – some of my favorite quotes were:

* “Has monogamy been holding us back? Are we better as a throuple? Or as a couple?”

* “We’re high vibrational.”

* “I relate openly. It’s case by case for me. I’ve been open for 6 months.”

* “We haven’t been in a poly relationship but we’ve had fun. We’ve all had fun, right?”

* “Do we want to go all in on a guy like we normally do at home?”

Similar to how I felt when writing the “throuple” post in 2020, I watched all nine episodes while thinking to myself, “This seems really complicated.” Some participants expressed feeling jealous, insecure and/or uncertain about their role in the throuple. Just as the new throuples were getting to know each other, relatives and friends were brought in as a surprise and complicated the new relationships. The new couples found that some of their struggles as a duo became more pronounced as a throuple. Mel B had a similar reaction, “The original couple, in order to receive a third into the relationship, had to work on their own base and communication. That’s the part that left me honestly envious – they were so honest with each other about what they wanted and needed.” 

While watching, I had doubts but became hopeful that the couples and singles were being sincere and honest while going through this process. I was especially invested in the gay male couple finding love with a single named Jonathan. They really seemed perfect for each other and could be a genuine Couple to Throuple success story. My husband refused to watch Couple to Throuple with me and kept reminding me that this show is first and foremost a reality show. He felt that I was being naive to think that any of the show was authentic. More than once, he walked through the room while the show was on and said, “Explain to me how this isn’t just couples looking for a threesome?” 

Unfortunately, he was right on a few counts. The finale where the couples and singles revealed their intentions towards each other beyond the show and the subsequent prologues about their relationships left me disappointed. However, that did not stop me from googling, “Couple to Throuple where are they now?” Ashmal, Rehman and Jonathan: if you are reading this, I hope you find the love you are looking for!

* Not THE Mel B, as in Mel B the former Spice Girl.

* Shout out to Alison, Cath and Flavia who indulged my need to watch this show and talk about it more than was comfortable.