deep in denial

On Sunday morning February 23, my friend Heidi sent a startling email to a small group of friends. This is what she said: “Ladies, I hate to be an alarmist but I’ve been watching the progression of COVID-19 over the last month. It’s hit an inflection point over the last few days. It’s gonna be a global pandemic.  Markets will be hit big time come Monday. All sectors will be affected, especially airlines, retail, heavy equipment, auto, etc. Global supply chains are disrupted and likely will be forever changed….Stock up on your needed medications, Lysol and Clorox spray and wipes. I’m considering buying face masks…”

I immediately segued to another topic. I thought her email was insane. I consciously passed the buck and let someone else tackle her ludicrous predictions. Luckily, another friend had the guts to say, “I’m not usually the one to say calm down, but…”

Heidi responded with confidence: “[Your stocks] may take two years to recover…just think we will have a global recession. I don’t think the Olympics in Japan is happening for sure.” Once we expressed some doubt in her sources, specifically Reddit, Heidi added “…life as we know it is gonna change for the next fews weeks or months…This will overwhelm our healthcare system!”

I completely admit that I ignored all of this. I was thinking, “Yeah Heidi, you go on with your crazy Reddit group.” I actually joked about what would happen if she met her Reddit friends – she would definitely not enjoy her online freaks and geeks in person. By Tuesday, just 48 hours after Heidi’s texts, the stock market was down significantly and my husband’s stress level was climbing. Yet, we went on as usual, including getting on a plane with a group of friends for a 3-day ski trip.  

On Wednesday evening, March 4, we received word that my daughter’s school had a staff member with a relative who had tested positive and the school would be closed for two days. We were the first school in the area, and possibly nationwide, to have a coronavirus related closure. Still  on Friday, March 6, without any hesitation, my husband and I flew to Southern California and had a lovely weekend in Newport Beach while my daughter flew to New Orleans for her college admit weekend. We all flew home on Sunday, March 8.  

At this point, my husband apologized to Heidi for accusing her of losing her mind and also gave her some serious kudos for predicting the stock market losses. But, we didn’t do anything else differently. I had bought no masks, Clorox wipes or toilet paper. I had no thoughts about my life being turned upside down, my son coming home from college or my daughter never returning to finish her senior year of high school.

By Tuesday, March 10, our lives were being slowly disassembled. My daughter’s school closed beginning Thursday, March 12. My son arrived home from college on Saturday, March 14. By Monday, March 16, professional sports were being cancelled, celebrities announced they had tested positive for COVID-19 and I was buying 32 rolls of toilet paper. The Bay Area got the official “shelter-in-place” on Tuesday, March 17. My daughter and I ran into Safeway and frantically bought a severely random assortment including 4 bags of freekeh, 3 bags of oats, two bags of potatoes, shampoo and conditioner and tall kitchen garbage bags. Finally, I was starting to freak out.

It has now been four weeks of what my friends refer to as, “the Q.” My household is managing like most others – thankful that we are healthy, resigned to what needs to be done but sad about the things we are missing out on. As the quarantine persists, I am haunted by Heidi’s prognosticating. I just keep thinking about how much I dismissed her early warnings and how amazingly right she was about everything – from the stock market declines to the health care system buckling under the weight of this disease. Heidi knew things in February that the U.S. government was entirely clueless about until mid-March (and possibly still figuring out.)

Even if I had believed her on that Sunday morning, February 23, I am not sure how much I would have done differently. Ok, well that’s not entirely true.  I would have gotten my hair cut and colored at the last moment possible and stocked up on every root touch-up option known to man. I guess I would have resigned myself sooner to the inevitable cancellations of vacations, school, birthday parties, graduations and everything I normally do in a given week. I certainly would have waited to watch all of the best binge-worthy shows (Season 2 of YOU) and bought some additional home exercise equipment.  But, otherwise, how could you possibly prepare for this bizarre reality?

In my college friends group text, we are talking about the “End of Q Glow Up” where we polish ourselves up from head to toe, start wearing make-up, out-of-the-house clothes, jewelry and non-rubber soled shoes and re-emerge into our social lives.  I am imagining a mad dash for the salons, where we each book a full day of appointments to make up for several weeks of missed personal maintenance. I think I should book those appointments with Heidi because I am dying to know what she is going to predict next – and this time I am going to believe her!