what goes around…

In a previous post (“postcards from zoom”), I described how I was enjoying the humor that resulted when my kids attempted to provide tech advice to my parents.  It is fun to laugh about how my parents can’t figure out how to change the wallpaper on their phone, find a podcast or use Netflix. I know it is not particularly kind or empathetic to use their lack of experience with phones, laptops and streaming services for my own entertainment, but I can’t help myself.

As we complete the fourth month of quarantining together, I am becoming aware of my OWN tech lameness. I had previously thought I was up to speed enough that I didn’t need to be concerned. But, I have seen my kids trade knowing looks.  When I ask a question I know is very basic to them, they seem instantly exasperated.  They look at each other and silently communicate with each other, “She’s doing it again” and “She’s never going to get it, is she?” Now that I see that I am the butt of their jokes,  I have decided to get ahead of the problem and make a full confession.

Before I do that, I want to explain why I had previously thought I was fairly tech savvy. Because I am competent at the following tech tasks, I have been able to deny the actual truth about my abilities.  

* I use Spotify, including creating a playlist from Peloton classes and subscribing to friends’ playlists.

* I have created multiple photo and video montages, set to music, that were posted and shared on YouTube.

* I have had a Facebook page since 2007 but am mostly ignoring it at this point.

* I pay bills online, use Venmo and PayPal, and set up automatic, recurring payments.

* I set my house alarm, track our water usage and set indoor temperatures on separate apps.

* I have subscription purchases for dog food, I read on a Kindle and I have bought and sold items on eBay and Craig’s List.

* I am a master of online shopping, including clothes, furniture, art, food and gifts.

* I have a Bitmoji that looks a lot like me, a LinkedIn page and a blog on WordPress!

This list may not be entirely complete but I am sure it conveys that I am mostly functioning in Silicon Valley 2020. Now, I am going to detail the ways in which my tech abilities are failing. These are the problems that I know my kids are already making fun of me for being the middle-age mom who is not as in the know as she thinks. I am certan there are more ways that I am embarrassing myself. My daughter (age 18) and son (age 20) have agreed to provide commentary – their thoughts are in italics. 

* I type on my phone with my index finger.  The “normal” thing to do is type with two thumbs and scroll with one thumb.  I went through some re-training last spring and tried to switch over to thumbs but never fully broke the habit. In the company of millennials, this is a dead giveaway for being tech-challenged.

Daughter: I changed her touch ID on her phone to her thumb in an attempt to get her to transition to the more efficient, “hip” way of typing. For some reason though, she can’t seem to get over her finger typing that ages her about 15 years. Such a boomer move on her part.

Son: I think this stems from point and click typing on a laptop but it is still her worst and most distressing tech failure.

* I have an Instagram account and I don’t really know how to use it.  My daughter will show me an Instagram post or story – maybe a puppy, a funny video, someone cutting soap is an intensely pleasing manner – and everytime I say, “Who posted that?” She says, “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.” I reply, “Then why are you showing it to me?”  For some reason, I just do not use Instagram even though it appears several of my friends get great enjoyment out of it. Plus, I know I am missing a shopping opportunity by not being present on this platform.

Daughter: I don’t understand why, after I have shown her 100 puppies, that I don’t know the owner of, she can’t wrap her head around that it is just a random, cute English bulldog. It’s just not that deep. For some reason, she cannot help herself from asking the same question even though she gets the same disappointing answer every time. I do not know who this dog belongs to – it is just cute.

Son: I don’t think the transition from “social media is a way to connect with your friends” to “social media is about random people doing funny things” was made by her.  I can show her a 300 pound dude jumping off a roof onto a table (#billsmafia) and she’ll just say, “ I hope he’s ok.”

* I have LOTS of passwords and rely on my daughter to remember some of them. It is not entirely unreasonable since we use the same Amazon, Apple, Netflix, Hulu and DoorDash accounts.  I am working towards a better system and am very appreciative when she can remember any of them for me.

Daughter: What my mom has neglected to mention is that she has roughly five variations of the same password that she rotates through so don’t think too highly of me for having these memorized. What is frustrating, though, is that she sometimes decides to go rogue and choose some random password that has no relevance to our life. And then, she gets frustrated with me for not knowing the password to HBO Go. It doesn’t matter that I have never watched HBO Go or that she made the password some obscure reference to her hometown in “LA county” (Encino).

Son: Yeah, I don’t know the passwords either, I ask my sister.

* I have no idea why TikTok is a thing and am a bit fuzzy on memes.  I watched all of my friend’s son’s Tik Tok and mostly enjoyed them but the one I liked best was apparently a meme.  How would I know that if my daughter didn’t tell me that? Can you put anything on TikTok besides choreography copied from someone else? Should TikTok be relevant to anyone over 40? 30? 

Daughter; I don’t really want her on TikTok. If she ever were to get invested, there would be so many questions, starting with: “who are these people?” Then, there would be so many follow-up questions about the sounds: “Who is talking right now?” and “How did they come up with this?” She would definitely not be able to keep up with the trends and would be overwhelmed with how quickly they come and go. And, most importantly, I just don’t think she would get the humor of it.

Son: I’m not really sure why TikTok is a thing either.  But, I’m also so deep in meme culture that I can look at a fuzzy image of a frog and find it funny.  There’s no way she’s gonna get up to speed with us.

* SnapChat is a mystery to me. My kids seem to tolerate, enjoy and encourage neverending pictures of their friends doing nothing and making the same facial expressions over and over. I do understand that it is easier to take a photo than it is to craft a witty one-liner in a text. I can relate to the sense of pride you might get from having a 100-day streak with someone.  But, I don’t see the payoff on this platform.

Daughter: To start, there is no pride in a streak. It just happens. Also, she really can’t seem to get that the pictures of faces are just a way to keep in touch. Sometimes there are conversations that do happen on Snapchat that she doesn’t see. It is a new form of texting that is too radical for her to get the appeal of. But, she does find some of the filters funny and my friends definitely enjoy the random selfies with her when she lets me take her picture. 

Son: Snapchat is meant to communicate: “we’re still friends but I don’t need to actually say something to you at the moment.”  If I’m trying to actually have a conversation, I’ll message someone. Sending weird faces is quick, easy, and effective.