birthday blues

This weekend would have been my big 50th birthday bash. My friend Mindy and I had started discussing our joint birthday party last January.  Her birthday is November 4 and mine is December 1.  We were shooting for a date between our birthdays in November, hiring a band, reserving a venue and inviting 150 or more friends.  We had a google doc with our guest list and the possible locations were being narrowed down. 

In March, we put the planning on hold. By April, the band contacted us and let us know that they were very flexible on dates, locations and rates and looking forward to our playing at our event.  Because she is more of a realist than me, Mindy threw in the towel on our big party before I did.  I remained hopeful that there was an option that might work.  We could pair down to a party with just 25 people and have it outside.  Mindy’s husband even suggested an “apres ski” theme which I thought would be really fun – goggles and face masks would be virus friendly.  All hopes of hosting something that sounded really fun ended by early October.

About 5 years ago, I started to think about celebrating my 50th in 2020.  I wanted to be deliberate and thoughtful about how I commemorated this milestone.  When my friend Pam turned 60 a couple of years ago, she decided to celebrate all year.  I thought I would borrow that idea from her and stretch my 50th into a series of lunches, dinners, toasts and vacations over a six month period.  I started making lists of people – tennis friends, people I know from Nor Cal, people I know from So Cal, grad school and college friends – so that I could organize special moments with each group. 

My 50th birthday would have been the culmination of an awesome year.  2020 was the year my husband also turned 50, my mom had a milestone birthday (I am not allowed to mention her actual age), my daughter graduated high school and started college, my son turned 21 and empty nesting would begin alongside a bunch of friends in our town.  My best friend and I were going to take a trip to Lake Como and I was going to Miravalle with a small group of close friends.

I know this year has been a shit show, dumpster fire, never ending stream of bad news for absolutely everyone. I’m not asking for any special sympathy.  I am lucky to be thinking about how to celebrate my birthday. But, with weeks to go, the weather is getting colder and it is dark outside by 5 pm.  Positive cases are popping up everywhere and people are growing more anxious about even small, outdoor gatherings.  My options are narrowing by the day.

My best choice might be to “punt to 2021” -a phrase coined by my friend Courtney who had her 50th in early October (accompanied by an eye infection that lasted a full month).  I think anyone who had big events during Shelter-in-Place should 100% use this strategy.  You are owed a birthday, graduation, anniversary, or wedding and you should have it.  When this mess gets sorted out, we are going to be more than willing to dress up, rsvp and attend any and all social occasions.  I used to want to die before “wasting” a full day at a weekend baby shower and now I cannot wait for a day in the future to be invited to any event, celebrating anything, where the word “mask” does not need to be uttered.

I have always had a love/hate feeling about my birthday.  For a decisive person, I find birthdays tough to manage even in a “normal” year and this is exactly why I was trying to get ahead of this milestone. I do enjoy celebrating but I do not like to make a big deal out of my birthday. I don’t want to host an elaborate event but I would hate to leave anyone feeling left out.  Combine all of that with the fact that my birthday lands on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving weekend, it’s obvious that my best choice is to “punt.”

I am just realizing that if I start organizing now, I might be able to get all of my friends born in 1970 to agree to one, gigantic birthday event for all of us.  If I can make that happen and somehow work in a costumed theme, all will be good.

* Please note that the “C” word was intentionally left out of this post.