shame factor

Since my son was accepted to college three years ago, my husband and I have been entertained and often shocked by what people post on the “Parents of Class of —-” Facebook page. As someone who loves first-hand recommendations and getting the inside story, I was originally delighted to have a place to ask questions and get advice from parents of other students at the same school.  

Initially, I thought the parents Facebook page for my son’s school was an outlier. Given that my son is at a tech-focused school, I considered that the other parents were just mirroring the socially limited personalities that are often associated with students in this program.  But, after an informal poll of my friends who have kids at lots of different schools, it appears that “Parents of Class of —-” Facebook pages are universally bizarre.  It is now clear that lots of parents from many different colleges believe that their kids will never find out that they have posted in these groups and are not even slightly hesitant to broadcast their college kids inability to get a haircut, make friends or do their laundry.

I had all of this knowledge plus an awareness of my kids’ high level of intolerance for parents who post embarrassing things for all to see when I sought out some advice from a friend.  I mentioned to my friend Katrina who has three kids – two out of college and one the same year as my daughter – that I needed to schedule my second COVID vaccine appointment for when I was visiting my daughter at her school in another state.  I had already trolled the CVS, Walgreens and RiteAid sites and had no luck. Katrina suggested that I put up a question on the “Parents of Class of 2024” Facebook page for my daughter’s school.  She said, “Go to moms for information – it’s a foolproof way to get the best advice!”  I thought to myself, “She’s absolutely right. Why didn’t I think of this before?”

Katrina advised me to carefully craft the wording of the post so as not to cause any blow back from people who might take issue with my request.  I ended up posting something very short and to the point asking for advice regarding getting a second vaccine near campus. I received two replies – neither of which were aggressive or very helpful – and I decided that I could just wait to get the second shot until I got home from the visit. 

As it turns out, my husband is a faithful reader of both the “Parents of —-” Facebook pages for our two kids.  Having never posted anything himself, he still enjoys taking the pulse of the parent communities at our kids’ schools. I was vaguely aware of his consistent readership and had no expectation that he would see or read my post.  But, unfortunately for me, he saw my post about the COVID vaccinations about two days after I wrote it. He saw this post as a tremendous opportunity to gain “cool points” with our kids and sent the following to our family group text:

“It pains me to inform you that your mother has posted to the “Parents of —-” Facebook account – violating one of the most sacred vows of normal parents. Obviously, this reflects poorly on me as well. Please consider appropriate consequences.”

Before I even read my husband’s words, my daughter promptly texted:

“you’re joking”

“mom”

When she texts “mom” like that, I know what she’s saying. It is shorthand for “Mom…don’t be a ‘Karen’ – especially where people I know might find out about it!”

And, my son texted:

“Oh no. What was the post?”

When he texts “Oh no,” I know it is coming from the same place as when he texts, “mom doesn’t understand memes.”  There’s pity in those two words and he’s sad and disappointed that I don’t know what I don’t know.

Immediately, my daughter initiated a family Facetime and demanded an explanation for breaching ghost protocol on the “Parents of —-” Facebook page. When the Facetime and the “shock and horror” texts from my kids alerted on my phone, I knew my husband had scored big. In one incredibly well worded alert, he gained an edge on me that I will have a hard time getting back. For the foreseeable future, he is slightly more hip and in with what the kids are doing these days than me and he knows I know it. I attempted to diffuse the situation and regain some social standing but my sad explanation about seeking my second COVID vaccine shot did not make this go away. So, I attempted to pass the blame to Katrina, asked for forgiveness and immediately deleted the post. 

I am now working double time, watching and waiting, for my husband to commit a similar slip up so I can shamelessly ridicule him back into the “more wack” position. At some point, he will forward a Tweet that the kids don’t relate to or try to be cool by using a phrase he learns from a co-worker on Slack. I am going to have to be focused and patient but eventually I will find the perfect opportunity to make things right again.