oh, hey!

Three years ago, we had dinner plans on a Friday night with two other couples. I will call them Bob & Carol and Fred & Sue. The three wives, Carol, Sue and I, had gotten together for drinks earlier in the week and, upon encouragement from Sue, decided to schedule dinner with the husbands. All of this is pretty standard stuff for suburban social lives. On the Friday that we were supposed to go out together, Sue texted to let Carol and I know that she and her husband had to bow out – they decided to drive up to the mountains on Friday morning to avoid weekend traffic. The remaining four of us decided to keep the dinner reservation. 

We met Bob & Carol for drinks at our local bar and were unfettered by the fact that Fred & Sue decided to bail out on the plans. We are closer with Bob & Carol and were excited to get some quality time with them. After an hour or so of cocktails, we set out for the restaurant, which was about a five minute walk. Along the way, we passed the new bar that had just opened in our little downtown. This is where the story gets a whole lot more interesting.

Sitting in the open window of the new bar – having what looked like the time of their lives – were Fred & Sue! Sue saw us, waved and said, “Oh, hey!” They were in a big group of about eight to ten people and looked like they had been drinking and enjoying themselves for at least an hour or more. It was honestly the most raucous moment I had ever seen in our quiet, rolled up by 9pm town – and Fred & Sue seemed to be the center of that hilarity.  I thought for a second that they would invite us to join them and fold us into to their party and things would be all ok but that didn’t happen.  

Still on our way to dinner, the four of us were dumbfounded. We had been blown off in the most spectacular way possible. The conversation on the rest of the walk to the restaurant went in several directions as we each processed what had just happened. I kept thinking how strange it was that Fred & Sue had a whole bunch of fun friends we didn’t know about and that they didn’t seem to mind being caught lying about their Friday night plans. My husband and Carol were fixated on the idea that Fred clearly hated one of us. My husband was certain he was the root cause of the blow-off. Carol was certain that Bob was the reason Fred & Sue cancelled on us.

Carol was overwhelmed with the casualness of the way Sue said, “Oh, hey!” She was awestruck by how we went from having plans as a group of six friends to now feeling like we had been deceived and dumped. She kept saying, “She’s probably typing a well-worded text apology right now. She must be horrified that we caught her in a lie. No question we are both getting mini-muffin gift baskets from her tomorrow. ”

We never heard from them after this incident. Not a text, email, or apology alongside an Edible Arrangement. Not one word. Carol and I have discussed this multiple times and assumed that it was easier for Sue to walk away from the situation rather than provide any credible explanation. And maybe she just preferred to let the friendships die rather than own the lapse in manners? Since the night of the “oh hey” incident, I have left it up to Sue to reinitiate the friendship.

As mentioned previously, nothing happened for three years. About two weeks ago, I got an email from Sue saying that it had been awhile since we had run into each other and asking if I would like to get together soon. I took her up on it. What have I got to lose? We are supposed to see each other next week, and I’m planning to take the unconventional route of actually asking Sue why we never heard from her after the epic blow-off of winter 2018. Of course, I discussed this significant update with Carol, and she was entirely supportive of my plan – especially since she won’t be there for the uncomfortable confrontation with Sue.

I know the normal thing to do is to show up and not say a word about the last time we saw each other. But I’m gonna take the Larry David approach to this and ask the awkward questions. I am dying to know if Sue felt badly about bailing on us for a better offer, if her husband really does hate one of the two other husbands (or both), or if she ever considered sending the muffins. I am far more invested in getting to the meat of the story than pretending this didn’t happen. Carol thinks I won’t get much explanation beyond a verbal deflection and unintentional guffaw, but I have to try to get Sue to give me something. I’m sure it won’t be wholly satisfying, and I may not hear from her again for another three years, but there just might be a little nugget of humor that will make it worth it.