high waisted potential

I am feeling a little backed into a corner. It looks like I am going to be forced to make some decisions that are, at very least, uncomfortable. I am looking to refresh my denim – full length and ankle length jeans – and my initial searches yielded just three options: mid rise, high rise and ultra high rise. I am entirely aware that high rise jeans are in fashion. I just thought that the option to remain relevant and wear mid rise or even low rise jeans would remain feasible throughout this trend. I have recently been informed that this is not the case.

After online shopping for jeans and coming up with limited options, I decided to get some expert advice. I approached my daughter and her friend and tried to seem casual. I mentioned that I was looking for jeans online and that there were none available that were low rise. There was an immediate groan, a look of shame and pity and dual facial expressions that clearly said, “oh poor thing!” And then the gauntlet was laid down. “No one should be wearing mid rise or low rise jeans. No one. Not even you.”

Wow. Tough love. My coping mechanism had only allowed me to consider high waisted jeans as an option, not as a go-to. This year,  I was set to stay the course with mid to low rise but trend towards a wider leg. The girls’ response to my question was so completely definitive that I was forced to reconsider. These college-aged young women are typically sensitive enough to know that their answers to my fashion, beauty or style questions will be taken to heart. They are often careful to temper their responses, and possibly even soften a blow, with multiple qualifiers. Their opinions on high waisted jeans were direct and succinct.

I have to admit that I generally hate the way high waisted jeans look on everyone. I feel like the shape of the front of the jeans creates a giant rectangle from the top of the thighs to the waist of the jeans. All I can see when someone is walking towards me is thighs, hips and stomach and I can‘t fathom that I should be making those areas a focus of attention. The rear view is also problematic mostly for the same reasons as the front.  The bootie seems to be maximized, legs are shortened and shapeless and the torso is shortened. While drawing attention to the narrowest part of your waist is usually a good idea, it just doesn’t make up for all of the other bad stuff.

I have been down this style road before – in high school – where the jeans were high waisted, pleated, acid-washed and folded over at the top button. (High school classmates – please feel free to send me photos of these jeans and I’ll be happy to post them as evidence.) In my opinion, the high rise draws attention to areas that we’ve been trying to minimize for at least two decades. One of my fashion mentors, Harvey Helms, tells me that if you have participated in a fashion trend once in your life, you may not be invited to participate the second time. Certainly, high waisted jeans is something that can be passed on this time around.

I reached out to my friend Sandra to see if she had any thoughts on this topic. Here’s her passionate response: “A bigger issue for me is the outfit choices that high waisted jeans force us into are not age appropriate. We are left with two distinct yet equally bad options for shirts/tops: crop top vs tucked-in top. I rebuke cropped tops in the name of Jesus for anyone over 38 years old. Let’s face facts, even if you are thin enough for a crop top, it’s a bad idea. Don’t get me started on tucked-in tops.  Are we 6th grade social studies teachers hanging out in the teacher’s lounge between classes? And shoes!  Is there a shoe to be found on this planet that is flattering to wear with these jeans?  A chunky “Dad” sneaker?  Lord have mercy!”

I also spoke to a few other close friends and let them know that the college-aged girls said that we have no choice – we have to wear high waisted jeans or we are irrelevant and hopelessly out of style. They were surprised, a bit shocked and somewhat sad. I am pretty sure they understood the unspoken message here. As parents of young adults, we are fighting to stay relevant, to not feel old and, more importantly, not look old. If I don’t wear high waisted jeans starting right now – and ditch all of my mid and low rise jeans – this could be the beginning of the end. The end is also characterized by kaftans (formerly known as house dresses), shoes with velcro, UPF 50 long sleeved shirts and polo shirts with golf course logos.

Once again, I am choosing to not give up – yet. I know if I still lived in LA (where I grew up and went to college), this would not even be a discussion. I would stay on trend and shut up. Here in the SF Bay Area, there are plenty of fashionable people but there are also a lot of people who may or may not be in the tech industry who choose to opt out of fashion trends or keeping up outward appearances. There is an option to reject the high waisted jeans and try to blend in with this alternative group. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I’m not able to make those trade-offs and have already purchased three pairs of jeans that will hopefully keep my “slightly relevant, empty nest mom” status in tact.

Since posting this, I have received several interesting responses via text and email. Here are a few: 

“This whole high-waisted thing extends the ass by a good 4 inches.” 

“I have an issue with anything touching my belly button which pretty much kills the high waisted thing for me.”

“I have a few high waisted jeans – I dread wearing them and keep it to a minimum.”

“I hate the high rise.  It makes it look like I am wearing a permanent fanny pack in my stomach area. I’m willing to subject myself to pity from 18-30 year olds, keeping the muffin top in low rise rather than the fanny pack in high rise.”

“Love the high wasited jeans if they have good strong structure—like a girdle that hides my tummy tire and makes a smooth surface for shirts.  My dread is hearing that the low waisted flares of the 90s are coming back….it’s taken years of high waisted jeans to reshape my stomach flab away from a permanent muffin top and I don’t want to go back!  I’ll take the flare, but not the muffin or the back crack!“