sis, I feel you. 

Recently, I went with three friends to a comedy club. During this outing to see stand-up, the headliner was a woman in her 20’s. Her act has a very solid foundation in millennial humor that mostly went right over my head. There was a reference to an early 90’s website called Chatroulette that I ended up looking up on online after the show. It was a kind of sad moment where I realized why exactly most middle aged people show up for “Oldchella” and continue to see The Rolling Stones in concert while wearing the same khakis and cowboy boots they loved in college. It sucks whenever you feel left out of the joke, don’t know the words to sing along when it seems like everyone else does and still be quoting Seinfeld 25 years after the finale aired. 

A few days later, I had to take my dog Ruby to a veterinarian appointment. Because she is a large 80 pound dog and about 13.5 years old (94 in human years), I knew the theme of this appointment was going to be how to make her most comfortable as she slows down. Large dogs rarely live to 14 so the fact that she is over 13 and still happy and mobile is a very good sign. I had a mental list of ailments to relay to the vet and felt a bit anxious about where this appointment might end up.

When the female veterinarian completed her exam, the discussion began. I started to cry and I explained that I wanted to do better for Ruby than I had for our previous dog. I don’t want her to live in pain because I am too sad to let her go. Tough stuff. I am only describing these uncomfortable moments so that I can set the scene in the exam room.  Two women talking about a beloved dog and one of them wondering why she and the dog have so much in common. 

I started going through my list of symptoms:

* Ruby’s eyes seem a bit cloudy. Can she see? The doctor explained that she has a very common condition that presents as a bluish transparent haze that develops in the lens of the eye in middle-aged to senior dogs. This is considered a normal change that occurs with aging.  Oh, I totally get that. I am having issues with my eyes too. I just spent three months battling four styes and still have a chalazion. After never needing glasses, I am now dependent on reading glasses to read small print because the letters and numbers are blurry. Plus, I have been to at least three doctor appointments where my health concerns, like my hands going numb while I’m sleeping, are dismissed with the short sentence, “that is something that comes with getting older.”  I let the vet know that I was adjusting to my own middle aged eyes and she nodded.

* Ruby is unsteady on her back legs, especially going up and down stairs. She used to be able to walk for an hour but now she is walking extremely slowly and can only go for about 20 minutes. The vet took a look at how Ruby was standing on her back legs and observed her process of getting up from lying down. She explained that Ruby is clearly having lower back pain and that her constant panting is probably related to how much pain she is experiencing in her back and hips. She would be prescribing gabapentin to hopefully reduce the nerve pain in her back. Of course, I had to take that opportunity to tell the vet that I was also prescribed gabapentin after having epidural injections for ongoing pain and stiffness in my lower back. She seemed thrilled to listen to the detailed description of my struggle. Again, I let her know that the bottom line was that I could relate to Ruby’s issues and her anxiety about jumping up to get in the car or falling down a flight of stairs.

* Ruby’s third health issue is that she is regularly retching – which is dry heaving or vomiting without actually throwing up. It is very distracting. Imagine if anyone you lived with hid in the corners of the room while you were watching tv and pretended to violently throw up. It’s startling and unpleasant. The vet believes that Ruby’s retching is related to eating too quickly and possibly acid reflux from taking doggy Advil. She prescribed a more easily digestible diet and a change to a puzzle bowl that can slow her down when she eats. Now feeling a bit self conscious, I started contemplating the varicose veins on my left leg and fell silent. If I admit to the vet that I also have acid reflux and a sensitive stomach what happens next? She definitely wasn’t seeing the humor in my parallel conditions and absolutely wanted to limit the conversation to the dog. 

While I waited for Ruby’s ears to be cleaned, my mind drifted and I considered why I often have water spontaneously leaking out of my ear. It’s not totally crazy that my 94 year old dog and I experience the same ailments. I’m sure this happens all of the time and other people are not as honest with themselves as I am. Also, the vet should have laughed at least once at a dog owner shouting, “I have that too!” as she diagnosed a senior dog. We left the vet appointment with her nerve pain meds and a small bag of the new kibble for sensitive stomachs. I helped Ruby get into the back seat of the car and put my bag and her stuff on the passenger seat. As I climbed into my driver’s seat, I was bummed to realize that I forgot my lacrosse ball that I sit on in the car to ease my back pain when I drive.