the guys’ trip

In the fall of 2019, my husband started planning his fantasy 50th birthday golf trip to Scotland for summer 2020. He asked seven of his golf-obsessed friends to join him and they all eagerly accepted, paid the fees and booked flights. He was beyond excited about the itinerary and the idea of playing the most famous courses in the birthplace of golf. As you might imagine, the trip did not happen in 2020. Or 2021. Or even 2022. After three years of desperately waiting and hoping, the trip actually happened a month ago, three years delayed, in July 2023.

All of the original eight men who signed up in 2019 remained committed through the three year postponement. In the three months ahead of their departure, lessons were taken, swings were corrected, new equipment was purchased, and local golf was played with an eye towards peaking in Scotland. The expectations were high in 2019 and steadily grew over three years, making me and the other wives slightly nervous that this trip could potentially be a disappointment. 

With two weeks to go, my husband turned his laser focus towards a comprehensive spreadsheet that covered all of the logistical details: who was rooming with who in each hotel and format for play each day, team rosters, team captains and wagers. Once these guidelines were written and systematically reviewed, he sent them to the other seven players and received only positive feedback and acceptance of all terms. 

I made a point of asking my husband to send updates from his trip and was hoping he would send photos and commentary on the golf, his friends and the experience overall. He ended up sending some very colorful texts and some priceless photos.  My favorites were:

Caption to a photo from the airport lounge at departure, “I’m sure this will be the last bourbon of the trip.”

“My masseuse says I’m carrying a ‘wee bit’ of tension.”

A video while drinking a pint at the first pub that included the caption, “A prrrrrroper pub!”

The next day, “I think Tim just barfed in our shower.”

“Brett and I just had several whiskies while the sun set at 11 pm over the Loch.”

“My face hurts from laughing…so many good lines.”

“Hit a fantastic drive on 17, right over the hotel and on the fairway in front of The Jigger Inn. Smoked a hybrid on to the green and the whole restaurant applauded!”

When I asked, “Do you feel closer to these guys because of this trip?” he replied, “For sure. These are my best friends.” 

“We tried to get to bed early tonight. It’s 2 am.”

Upon entering their second hotel stop and finding two beds pushed together, my husband’s comment was, “I’m sure I’m not the only one with butterflies right now.”

A group photo of all eight guys wearing coats and ties headed into a “gentlemen’s lunch” between rounds.

After a night out and various photos and videos of men speaking at a volume we refer to as “all caps”, I received an early morning text that just said, “I no feel good.”

Towards the end of the week, there was some insight into the toll the long nights were taking: “Think I’ve lost weight with all of the walking but the drinking has been intense – oof. And, the bags under my eyes this a.m. are disturbing.”

“It’s been an amazing trip. Many, many laughs.”

“This trip exceeded my massive expectations.” 

After he arrived home, slept for two nights and attempted to sweat out eight days of whiskey, my husband was ready to fill me in on more of the details. He started out by saying that most of the guys agreed this was not only their best golf trip but the best trip they had EVER been on in their entire lives. After making that statement, he paused wondering if I would react with hurt feelings. Inherent in that proclamation is that all of the other trips we have taken as a couple, as a family or with friends were at best, second to a trip he took without me. I am actually fine with that. I get it. This confession gave me more latitude to ask for more details about the interpersonal dynamics. I wanted to know what the eight of them talked about while walking 14 miles a day on the course (a total of over 90 miles), eating every meal together and driving around the Scottish countryside.

Guess what? They talked about golf. Just golf. There was one short discussion about how, since they were bunking in pairs, none of them should be using the hotel room bathrooms for serious business. I asked him if they had any time to share about their kids, wives, careers or really, anything personal. Very matter-of-factly, he replied, “Funny you should ask. We talked about sharing a google doc ahead of the trip with one or two sentences each about what’s going on in our lives. We thought that would be a good way to get it out of the way because we knew the wives would ask when we got home. But, we didn’t end up doing it. Seemed like too much trouble” 

OK this one got me. A google doc? One or two sentences? Get it out of the way? Are you kidding me? If I spent even two days with eight of my friends, I would come home feeling incredibly close to them and knowing absolute everything that is going on with their lives, including their kids, parents, spouse, career, future plans, hopes, dreams and concerns. I am incredibly happy for my husband that this trip was everything he imagined and more, but I just cannot fathom spending this much time with my close friends and not having one conversation about anything beyond golf. I don’t even like talking about golf when I’m playing golf. 

This astonishing revelation lead me to also think about all of the ways in which this trip would be incredibly different it if was all women. I would like to think that all eight would stay committed for the three year postponement but after an informal poll, I believe the best turn out would be six out of eight women showing up in 2023. I am certain that a group of ladies would not allow room assignments to be made unilaterally. That is just not done. While traveling together, every possible topic would be explored even if we were playing 36 holes every single day. No subjects would be out of bounds and there would likely be a few tears shed along the way. We would announce, describe in detail and accommodate each other’s dietary restrictions, sleeping issues, menopause symptoms, ongoing physical ailments, phobias, superstitions, childhood wounds and compulsive behaviors. As far as I can tell, the only thing resembling this on the guys trip was that one thoughtful guy brought high performing ear plugs to shield his roommates from his significant snoring.

Two days after they returned, I got a text from one of the guys and he said, “We had a great trip!” I texted back, “sounds like it may have been my husband’s best trip ever – and I’m trying not to feel slighted by that.” He said, “Let’s go with best guy’s trip.” and added a crying while laughing emoji. I responded, “much appreciated” and proceeded to numb myself with an episode of “90 Day Fiance.”