jews on ice

Most of the time, I have an idea for a blog post and I sit with it for a while. I try to figure out if it is a little bit funny (or not) and then start writing the draft in my head. Every now and then, a blog post literally falls on me (see “Oh Hey!” and “Run Around”). A year ago December, the perfect blog post landed in my mailbox, hand addressed to my husband and me and I knew immediately that this strange random letter needed to be shared on this platform. Along with the normal holiday cards that arrive ahead of the holidays, we received an envelope with two Hanukkah stickers on the front, scotch-taped so that they were extra secure, with a return address label from a complete stranger. Even though it was decorated with festive, reflective stickers, I was preparing myself that it might be some kind of hate mail about our dogs barking, gardeners using the an illegal leaf blower or an offer to buy our house off-market from an agent representing a nice family who has “admired our house for some time.” 

Inside the envelope, I thankfully did not find a complaint or an unsolicited offer. I found one of the strangest, type-written letters I have ever received. Here is the letter:

Let’s start the commentary with an obvious, big question. What could it possibly mean to be a “follower and casual historian of Jewish athletes”? If you are unfamiliar with the Jewish culture (which is unlikely if you know me and read this blog), you should understand that athletics is not typically what we are known for. Rather than explain this on my own, I found this article for those that would like more information. My daughter pointed out that casualness is the only option for a follower of Jewish athletes; “a formal historian of Jewish athletes would run out of things to follow.”

Miller’s response: “Do you have any light reading? How about this leaflet, Famous Jewish Sports Legends?” – Airplane

It took me a moment to accept that Mr. Trost was reaching out to us in pursuit of his hobby and not asking Division 3 water polo memorabilia or a weird meet and greet. Since the latter two requests have never been asked of us before, I started to think that this guy actually had a genuine interest in our son’s athletic career as part of his larger focus on Jewish athletes. Out of boredom and a desire to make this a compelling story, I googled his name and the phrase “jews on ice” from his email address. I do love a weird diversion that can potentially be called “research.” I found enough online evidence that Mr. Trost was as he described and that his intentions were to accumulate information about my son’s experience as a Jewish athlete. Having said that, the consensus in our home was that there would be no response since we did not have much to offer him beyond the college water polo statistics available online and could only lead to awkward exchanges.

Once we felt reasonably certain about the intentions behind the letter, we settled in and enjoyed piecing it apart. Since this letter arrived completely out of the blue, we started thinking about how Mr. Trost determined that our son is Jewish. This led me down another fun rabbit hole and as I started to look for any online mentions of his participation in the Maccabi Games in Budapest, Hungary during 2019. I found this article where my son is quoted as well as an article posted on the MIT athletics site highlighting three players headed to the Jewish games. We cannot overlook that there was a three year lag between my son’s participation in the games and the arrival of this letter at our home in December 2022. Even though Covid can explain part of that delay, the timing still seems pretty random.

Miller’s response: Although I have no memory of providing that quote, it’s an accurate representation of my spiritual beliefs that my quote on participating in an all-Jewish athletic competition was that I would play with the exact same intensity as I normally do.

After several read throughs of this letter, I felt that Mr. Trost used flattery exceptionally well. The parents of a kid on a team that rarely wins even 50% of their games are highly susceptible to compliments about their son’s athletic abilities. I considered responding just to be able to shamelessly brag about my kid’s efforts. Given that my son had already graduated when the letter arrived, I realized that listing my son’s accomplishments to someone I have never met was exceptionally pathetic. Also, I knew that our answers about Jewish life would be incredibly disappointing to him since he is not religious. Also, he was never the only (or best) Jewish player on his club team from ages 11 to 18 and was definitely not the only Jewish player at MIT.

Now, only half the letter is really asking for information about our son. The second half of the letter is Mr. Trost venting about his son’s college application experience. He uses his cookie cutter solicitation for Jewish sports to complain about college admissions and particularly his son’s inability to gain acceptance at his school of choice even though he was a highly accomplished high school student. He has to know when he is writing this letter that we do not know his son, will never know his son and cannot possibly offer him the explanation he is looking for. He chose to bold only one sentence and that reveals a lot about his true intentions.

Miller’s response: The athletic praise was somewhat undermined for me by the fact that 90% of the letter is about academics, but then again, that’s very consistent with my experience at MIT as a whole.

While I have no intention of actually mailing this and am only interested in entertaining myself, I have started drafting a response. My intention here is to be completely sarcastic and give him a little sense of what is what like to get his letter in the mail. 

Dear Alan,

Your letter caught my eye and I have been thoughtfully drafting a response for the last 14 months.. I am sure you realize that receiving a hand addressed envelope at your home from a stranger who seems to be interested in your athletic son could be awkward. This felt like a friendly stalking but you never really know when you get a random, typed letter in the mail who you might be dealing with. We completely understand that information is available all over the internet, you are most likely not super creepy and probably googled our son’s name with only good intentions. 

It sounds like the pressing issues to discuss are not so much our son’s experience playing water polo at MIT but more your son’s experience at Brown. Once he matriculated, did he feel like he was at the right school? Did he continue to pursue a STEM education? Does he prefer to only date Jewish women? Did he have a Bar Mitzvah? Will your family be celebrating Passover together this year?

Our family is definitely curious about your pursuits as a “casual historian” of Jewish athletes. I wonder if you would like to know more about my high school tennis record or my uncle’s college baseball stats? 

Fondly,

Miller’s parents